I have been thinking about connections a lot lately especially as it relates to friendship. I've learned in the past ten years that people don't allow themselves to connect nearly as much as they could with others. We are constantly analyzing the situation to fast forward it to where we think it is really going but unfortunately connecting is something we can't force.
Many people miss out on this amazing life altering event simply because they are afraid. Afraid of being hurt, betrayed, used, loved, etc. Along with the fear comes to confusion of what the connection really is. I will admit I've connected with people and immediately assumed it was an intimate one, because it felt so GOOD, instead I jumped the gun and neglected to lay the foundation in a friendship. Unfortunately, jumping the gun takes kismet out of the equation and severs the connection before its truly rooted within.
I've never been the type to have loads of friends but I have a handful of people who no matter the amount of time passed we seem to always pick up where we left off. Deep inside I feel like we are only treading the surface of the connection but I know my resistance to devulge my inner being keeps us there but because they are my friends they wait patiently.
Friendship should be enriching, nurturing and boundless connections so what is the majority of my relationships called because I rarely feel good in them. Some people I feel connected to but its crystal clear that the feeling isn't mutual. Why would I say this? Well, its based on how they make me feel and my inability to be myself unapologetically. I feel that I am just a placeholder, a gag gift, a cesspool for their perverse thoughts, an afterthought. It makes me question how I treat people because I am only a reflection of the people in my life. Am I taking people for granted, not calling, cancelling at the last minute time and time again, not telling them how much they mean to me?
I don't feel as though I've genuinely connected with another in a while and that scares and makes me sad.
When was the last time you really connected with someone?
2 comments:
The last time I felt I really connected with someone was on Friday. I underestimated the reaction a good friend. It was a very difficult situation and when I pushed past my resistance and shared my difficult and sad news with her; she shocked me. She didn't judge me, she didn't assume the worst of me. She let me be me in my own imperfect skin and I appreciated her as a freind even more. I think we connect at different levels all the time and sometimes due to fear of love or hurt we gaurd ourselves but if we let love ride we will be surprised...people surprise in good ways too.
cool blog,期待更新........................................
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